Is change so bad after all?
Another one bites the dust.
To start writing a blog was an idea of an single lady, in her 30's, who wanted to share thoughts of everyday life. Things that make you wonder and things that make you angry, sad or glad, 100%. Yes. I find it amazingly sad that one cannot share ideas and have conversations face-to-face on daily basis any more. I have a theory on this one. Once you have that face-2-face conversation people are, I underline - in my opinion - more supposed to get hurt if not agreed with them, more negative - having "no" as an answer for everything and above all, more selfish. Of course media keeps us a part. Simple is that. AND. We cannot take criticism any more! Or if we can, we take it personally and how easy is it to stay behind closed curtains anyway?How many reasons are there for this?
I don't know. Hundreds!?Do I blame social media!? well...
Now reaching my 30'ed birthday I have come to realize that my beliefs are old-school. And what was once called "technology" and "advanced" for me, is now "old-school". I bitty my parents. ;) They really have to have it hard with this one. The newest of all, yet without further parable to old-fashioned way how to network in real life, is social media. I think we haven't still got the whole idea how much it will change our behavior versus old school manners and behavior in society.
In my case it's more ore less email and Facebook of course. I read the status up-dates, share the pictures... and more. We create a profile totally based on our subjective "analysis" of the "self" and then we can "hide" behind it. We use our humorous and clever comments to give the idea who we really are. "The Friends" don't understand anything what we're really saying, cause they know us and they think we're gone mad. But those not so familiar with us, built up the picture of us based on those "funny" comments and pictures that we've shared or given permission to "share". A while ago I, with my challenged old fashioned thoughts, wanted to delete my profile and everything about me with it. After my mum questioned the picture that my profile was giving out of me ( her opinion of course). But then I realized, I would be left out of everything. Parties, gatherings, discussions.. everything, you name it. Text messaging, talking about black on white letters were history, with the 1st World-war. And I just ended-up deleting some of the pictures and comments from the profile. What I did was a new "redefinition of me" with some realistic view of who I was (subjective once again of course). But still I was forced to bare the status up-dates and comments of people who I think were not that "social" before.. So. Good or bad!? Still don't know, but sometimes it's irritating, sometimes confusing.
Anyway. The one or two occasions that really made me think about this, was during "E-dating". Not that new concept, is it? Well, I wanted to find person with same interests and I was already begging to find a good conversation with a guy, with a actual possibility to date me. Once again profiles were created and the whole scene was set. The first guy seemed to be "cool" but after a week, couldn't "hear" about him (well, I was no That interested my self either..). But anyway I felt somewhat hurt. He could have said something. The second one was really good one, I think we both felt the same way (even some butterflies) during the writing part that lasted for some 3-4 weeks and we went actually out for a month, until he left me by "texting" me after week of silence. I really thought he was a smart and emphatic guy, but.. What I think drove him acting like this, was that he could eventually hide behind the E-face and whole e-dating scenario. The same happened with a person that I wrote for an month or two. Once again, I think we were a good match. But we didn't get to meet, and still I was left without further notice. It could have been very easy: "Sorry, i cannot write to you anymore..". I only found out from Facebook status update that he started a relationship with someone. And I think this was only one of the bad sides this interactive space called social media offered us! Hurting people was so much easier now! And even better, you never had to experience bad feeling seeing someone cry. I thought there was a pattern. But it was even more evident when I heard that there was an portal, legal and huge "market place", for people who wanted to cheat their partners. It grew up to be so huge that they needed a executive for the whole country!! I once read the executive saying "why not do it sober in the internet rather than drunken in the bar". According to that it was evident that cheating was better to do it sober and planned than accidentally fall to the oldest boody-trap when awfully pissed.
Do you see what I see!?
What's the result!?
I know this one!! Even fell on this myself.Here it comes - the evil truth! We become mean. Meaner. For this example of mine, e-dating. I could not leave a guy that brutally before, but now it was simple. Just didn't answer anymore. Well, must admit that I only tried it after i got that treatment myself! I never thought that a person, that for me was real, could act like a total jerk and forget me in a twist. (And here, I mean in general not only in my case..) Was it only cause it was that easy. Without any bad conscience? The same in cheating. Do you find it better to cheat sober and planned? like it was OK anyway. And is it just great selfishness of just the product of this new "virtual life"?
What is it that makes us stand so strong behind our own needs, so strong that we forget good old manners and friendliness towards others. And I do underline, it concerns all the human relationships. I believe that in controversy to new "profile self" and "virtual life" it was harder to say and do things when we faced people in real. What do you think!? Is it harder to tell about feelings towards a person, to say hurtful things when angry when we actually face the fact and have the eye-2-eye contact.
After all
Not all the change is bad. But when the change is not in our hands it's, at least, very scary. The question is "can we really trust ourselves in that everything is in control?" If I had the power I would remind people not to forget the result of their own actions and that not everything was going to be fixed with only "I'm sorry" or justified by saying "this is who I am". I would say to you: never cut the relations to anyone, he/she might be the next one deciding about your job.
I came to realize that, after all, this was too complicated for me. I don't know whether I'm gonna keep all my profiles or not. But the one thing I know, I'm gonna keep it simple, black and white. When it comes to real relationships, I',m gonna stay "me". Trust the intuition! And then, "good manners" might become a trend, but "being friendly" must come from the heart.
<3
